I'm sharing a bit of a personal story today.

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A story of personal loss and a daily struggle.

3 years ago My mom had a massive stroke which rendered her bedridden and semi responsive. Her motor skills were severely affected as well as her ability to communicate. From her always being the strong headed woman that ran her own psychology practice, to a incapacitated person that is spending most of her day lying down on a couch in front of a television is still a lot to stomach.

My dad is constantly with her trying to get her to do exercises. Most of those are long daily walks (about 30 minutes), climbing stairs, letting her read books and her helping to prepare supper. My sister also does about half an hour of physical therapy and Yoga with her every Thursday.

The problem is that although she is recovering, she is going into a deeper depression as she realizes that her short term memory and physical strength has been affected. She has always been outgoing and a completely independent go getter, and to keep her spirits up, and helping her move on is a difficult task. I try to always make jokes on a daily basis and put on some stand up comedy for her as well and it does seem to lift her spirits temporarily. I think the problem isn't so much the disease but her mental and psychological state. Getting up and moving on from this harrowing blow is a tall order. For her and for us as a family. How do you move on? How do you find that voice that says everything will be okay and its okay to trust the universe and it's plan again. The worst part is the anger you feel ' Why did God hit our family with this?'.

I've watched a Ted talk documentary on brain injury recovery where a doctor stated that finding something to do and focus on stimulates and changes your brain and increases recovery time. There are stroke victims that had recovered within a year and others that had recovered in 8 years. We are all certainly trying to help her in her recovery and it is baring fruit. It does however differ between individuals so expectations are the hard to manage.

This is of course affecting me at my workplace as well. My moods would go up and down and people would say stuff like "c'mon chin up", "be happy what's wrong with you?". Of course they would understand my history as I recently joined the company a year ago. I'm also not exactly sure how you would go into conversation about all of this. This is unfortunately a heavy rock in your heart that will not go away quickly.

The bottom line I feel is that the state of her physical health is being affected by her mental state. It's that catch 22 of her not recovering as fast as she can because of the depression she is in. The courage to move on and take flight again is a difficult one. I pray that it comes back to us all:)

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