##### "Knowing other things is Intelligence. Knowing yourself is true Wisdom. Mastering others is power and mastering yourself is true power." ~Lao Tzu~
Once upon a time, there was a fire in a house. Inside the ill-fated house, a young man was sleeping very soundly. A man came in and tried to take the young man out through the window. Can not. He tried again through the door, couldn't either. The young man was too big and heavy. The man was on the verge of despair when someone gave him the advice that "wake up the boy, he can get out on his own". ![fire-extinguisher-3891361_1280.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/hidayat96/23zktQuka2jtBgfSv3GiMupUz5w2pghVVPE3DxrZgwkmaP95icyfFM3ooEXoMf4aVrMCZ.jpg) [Image source](https://pixabay.com/id/photos/pemadam-kebakaran-api-unggun-3891361/) This simple story contains an important lesson for all of us that each person can actually manage himself. Everyone is a leader for himself. Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this potential. They were asleep, maybe their whole life. Therefore, our task is to *"wake up"* them. ###### There are 3 things we need to have in order to become aware, among which are the following:

- Self understanding - Self awareness - Self control

Let's start from the first step, which is having self-understanding. To be a leader, we must be aware of who we really are. The Greek philosopher, Socrates (469-399 BC) said, *"Know thyself"*!. Likewise, Prophet Muhammad SAW said, *"Whoever knows himself will recognize his Lord"*. Knowing yourself is the basis of Spiritual Intelligence or spiritual quotient (SQ). To achieve a high SQ and live a more meaningful life, we must think about and answer the following basic questions: ***Who are we?*** ***What do we live for?*** ***Where do we come from?*** ***Where are we going?*** ![bonfire-1867275_1280.webp](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/hidayat96/23tRtCwwbZHZJj3BfVN7EVHxubyq8sERx4iXjcey3VCZwpXZgvi1Se6N5sLA7ZJSWvFB5.webp) [Image source](https://pixabay.com/id/photos/api-unggun-berkemah-rakyat-api-1867275/) We need to answer these questions so that we can live a more meaningful life. Without knowing ourselves properly, it is difficult for us to find the meaning of life. Rapid progress in the material field often creates a void of soul. In developed countries such as Japan, Denmark, Sweden and Norway, there are many cases of suicide. The absence of meaning in life makes people very vulnerable to suffering. In my opinion, life is not a straight uphill or ascending journey. Life is a circular journey. Everyone has a circle that varies in size according to the age of his life. In the language of religion it is said, *"Verily everything comes from God and all will return to Him"*. Thus, life is a journey to return. Returning to the origin is actually the greatest secret of our lives. This is part of our nature as humans. Humans have always had a longing for their origins. Man's search for the Creator is a form of this longing. In a lower level, this phenomenon can be seen in the tendency of people going home during Lebaran. Why do people want to make it difficult, narrow to go home? This is one manifestation of human longing for its origin. This understanding will also give birth to the realization that life is temporary. This understanding will give birth to a simple attitude, not lazy and not greedy. The second step is self-awareness or self-awareness. This means being aware of our own feelings. To be a leader, we must have Emotional Literacy. We must be "emotionally literate". We must be able to recognize and identify whatever feeling we are feeling. This is the basis of emotional intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ). To recognize our deepest feelings, we need to constantly separate ourselves from the emotions we feel. We are not our emotions. We are we. We don't change, on the contrary, emotions change all the time. We are like the sky, while emotions are clouds that come and go. This kind of understanding provides self-awareness that we are actually more powerful than our emotions. We can regulate our emotions according to our own will. We are responsible for our own feelings. The third step is to have self-control. This means being fully aware of what we are doing. This is the result of high emotional intelligence (EQ). A leader realizes that he cannot control the incoming stimulus, but he can always control the response he gives. Thus, he does not let his feelings and emotions control his decisions. New self-control is seen in situations that are difficult and involve emotions. Experts have found that anger is the most difficult mood to control. When we are angry, our minds are filled with self-justifications and compelling arguments to let go of anger. Even in contrast to sadness, anger creates enthusiasm, even excitement. Therefore, if you want to know the qualities of our leadership, look at what we do when we are angry. The ability to pause with a variety of techniques is the key to our leadership. Controlling also means being able to put off short-term pleasures in order to get something bigger in the long run. People who are able to control themselves will not be tempted to eat too much, commit corruption, infidelity and any actions that seem to provide short-term pleasure. This person realizes that the short-term pleasures he gets will not be worth the regrets he suffers in the long-term. He shuns anything called Sin, this is the definition of sin in modern management: Gaining short-term pleasure, but sacrificing long-term pleasure. The ability to delay enjoyment for something greater indicates a person's EQ. EQ expert, Daniel Goleman once conducted an interesting experiment with students in one class. Goleman offers to give one candy, but for those who want to postpone it until tomorrow, he will give two candies. Goleman's research later proved that children who were able to delay their urges had better emotional intelligence. The ability to delay gratification indicates strong self-control. Self-control is also shown by one's courage to make commitments and carry out those commitments. Big things often start with small commitments. Stephen Covey says, *"Making and keeping promises to ourselves precede making and keeping promises to others".* Therefore, before making a commitment to the crowd, train ourselves by making simple commitments. We can start from small things, such as starting to exercise every day and reducing high cholesterol foods. ![pexels-max-fischer-5212345.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/hidayat96/23wCE9GgkuLeQaahAJ6cpwNTtNPowYz3jvY9i7qETKnwMzcJ1WgXrt6GmyteeurgXDdfe.jpg) [Image source](https://www.pexels.com/id-id/foto/guru-mengajukan-pertanyaan-ke-kelas-5212345/) Making a commitment to yourself is much more difficult and challenging. Why did I say that? Because even if we violate it, then no one will know except ourselves. However, the violation of these commitments will slowly undermine our confidence. Leadership will emerge once we are able to carry out our commitments and conquer ourselves.