Brett Duncan

11/26/2018

My childhood was painted by the fond memories of Saturday morning cartoons peppered with commercials and their earworm jiggles causing my peers and I to beg our parents for the latest and greatest toy, game or fad which planted itself in our collective memories. One toy store chain in particular had a signature tag line that has stayed with me, “turn that frown upside down”. Toys and nostalgia go together with The Holidays like turkey and gravy. Unfortunately for many of us, there is a sad irony when the effect of that same childhood nostalgia reverses as adults.

While some may argue its validity, the Holiday Blues are very real for many of us. According to Darren Cotterell, MBBCh, MSc, MRCPsych, as many as 8% of us experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) annually depending upon our geographic region. [1] For those of us who live in the Upper Midwest, as I do, cold temperatures and less sunlight are perfectly reasonable explanations for seeking personal hibernation. Add to that a season of hyper-driven holiday preparation, loss, “Its Complicated” family dynamics, and difficult memories, and it seems perfectly sensible that these factors cause many of us to hide from The Holidays rather than face or, God forbid, enjoy them. Ok, so we have established that the Holiday Blues are real and that a smorgasbord of factors can bring them to life. Where do we go from here?

For the majority of us, Winter weather and Daylight Savings Time are unavoidable along with the pain that results from loss and complex relationships. Thankfully we do have control over how we react to them. I know this sounds too simple to be true. At this point you may be yelling at your device or paper and saying, “This is a Hell of a waste of time,” but hear me out. This is as much for me as it is others. I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching and healing to turn this corner. It isn’t easy, simple, or quick, but it is endlessly rewarding.

No one, unless he or she is fond of self-abuse, wants to peruse a back catalog of past hurts, regrets, failures, and loses. It’s hard and difficult work. Forgiving others and, more often than not, ourselves tends to take more work and endurance than we believe ourselves capable of, but damn it we must do this work! The book of Matthew teaches that “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9, NIV). Blessed is not really the best word choice, fortunate or lucky are more fitting to the original intent of the text. Forgiveness is much less about what we receive from the act, but the state of mind and soul that results from releasing ourselves and others through the art of forgiveness.

Remembering how that one family member (who is an unmitigated jerk) is traversing his or her pain, loss, and regrets as you or I are, helps us to see them as peers rather than enemies. It may seem a bit high minded, but being a peacemaker through the craft of forgiveness is the first step toward vanquishing the Holiday Blues.

I mentioned nostalgia earlier, and one can never doubt its power. It has been said that it takes six positive comments to offset one negative. [2] The same principle holds true for memories. Remembering that one bad fight between Mom and Dad on Christmas Eve which sent him out for cigarettes never to return, taints every Christmas before or since. For me the Holidays were tainted when I was hospitalized at 17 for a Major Depressive episode between Thanksgiving and Christmas. In the years that followed, I felt that I had nearly and single-handedly ruined Christmas. The guilt was real but it was never mine to own. My wife and I were married in the mid-2000’s and in the years since, have worked to build our own traditions and memories that have slowly but steadily chipped away at that one terrible Holiday season over 25 years ago. Creating new memories and traditions around the Holidays has been a huge help to me in moving forward around this time of year.

After taking a deep dive into our emotional and also spiritual health, our physical well-being is also just as critical. Certainly consult your doctor personally, but I’ve found that taking a Vitamin D3 supplement and using a light box or going to a tanning bed for a few minutes a couple of times a week have provided huge benefits during the Fall/Winter months. Exercise is also critical. As hard as it is, dragging yourself to the gym or, for the truly hardcore, braving the elements for a walk or run can be the best medicine. Not only can exercise save your waist line from the Holidays, it can also safeguard your relationships.

So be brave! Try something new! Hold on to what is good. It’s easy to focus on how frightful the weather is outside, as the song says, but as you turn your attention to a certain someone, the joyous sights and smells of the season, and do the hard work of examining, forgiving, and taking care of yourself, you can turn that frown upside down and make the crappy Holidays happy.

[1] Darren Cotterell. “Pathogenesis and management of seasonal affective disorder.” Progress in Neurology and Psychiatry,Volume 14, Issue 5, Version of Record online: 7 OCT 2010

[2] Vanessa Ko, for CNN, “Can you cope with criticism at work?,” CNN.com, Updated 11:31 PM ET, Sun April 14, 2013